It's all fine
by LittlePippin76
Summary: One-shot. Drabble like thing looking at what Sherlock's thinking during that conversation at Angelo's.


**I don't own these characters, nor did I write the lines in bold. Apart from this one. Obviously.**

**Pip.**

It's all fine.

22 Northumberland Street. 22 Northumberland Street.

Surely he's coming. Surely he's curious about that text. Come on now, you _want_ me to see you. You _want_ this to be a trap. You want to prove you can escape me, don't you! Come along now. Let me have a look at you.

John's hungry. I don't think I've ever seen anyone eat so fast. I wonder if he knows where his next meal is coming from. How often should an adult male need to eat? Must be once or twice a day, minimum. I wonder when John last ate. I wonder if he feels miserable eating alone.

He's proud though; didn't know if he should accept a free meal. I wonder if he would have done if he'd have thought I was paying. I'd bet no. Not greedy though; ordered a meal, nothing fancy. Not the cheapest thing on the menu, doesn't want to be obvious, but not extravagant. Interesting.

22 Northumberland Street. Come along now; show your face. Let me have a look at you.

"**People don't have arch enemies."**

What? What the Hell is he talking about? Doesn't he ever shut up? Perhaps I made a mistake bringing him along. Why did I do that? He seems nice. That's no reason though. I don't do 'nice'. Did he seem interesting? Probably. Why was that again?

"**I'm sorry?"**

"**In real life. There are no arch enemies in real life. Doesn't happen."**

Oh. Real lives. I wonder what he thinks I'm living then? Surely he's not going to be like all the rest of them, with their assumptions and their judgements. They all think it. Sally's the only one who says it to my face though. I don't know if that makes her better or worse than everyone else.

"**Doesn't it? Sounds a bit dull."**

Conversation over. 22 Northumberland Street. No one even glancing at it. No one stopping to surreptitiously tie their shoe, no bikes, no cars, no-one stopping at all. Who _are_ you? How can someone be invisible? You're not though, are you. You know about disguise though. You know about blending in. You know about gaining trust.

"**So who did I meet?"**

Oh. I guess the conversation isn't over. God this is tedious. Why do people have to be so damned chatty all the time? Fine. If he wants conversation, let him work for it.

"**What do **_**real**_** people have then? In their **_**real**_** lives."**

"**Friends, people they like, people they don't like. Girlfriends, boyfriends."**

Interesting. He has a sister and immediate family didn't even cross his mind. They _really_ don't get on, do they. Mycroft's an imbecile but at least he's a constant reminder that sibling's exist. Even when you don't want them to.

"**Well, like I was saying; dull."**

Shut up and eat your free food, John.

22 Northumberland Street. Why them? Why those particular victims?

Are they as random as they appear to be at first sight? What is it about them that makes them interesting to you. If I could work that out, I'd understand what makes you interesting. Then I'd know you.

"**So you don't have a girlfriend then?"**

Oh for heaven's sake, is he really this incapable of taking a hint? Shut up. Not everyone feels the need for constant and continual access to sex, John.

It really would appear to be high on John's priorities though. Why is that? I wonder if he's even noticed that he's noticed every single eligible woman that we passed on the street, and all three of the ones that work here at Angelo's. Even Lucy and she's clearly gay.

Odd that. It's not like he doesn't have close relationships, however turbulent they might be, with gay people, yet he still went straight for 'girlfriend'. Why would anyone assume in this day and age? Could it be that the turbulence is on account of the homosexuality? That would certainly be... disappointing.

It's possible though. He's ex-forces; they're not exactly renowned for their tolerance.

Is it possible that he's going to be like everyone else?

"**Girlfriend, no. Not really my area."**

Now be quiet.

"**Oh. Oh right! Do you have a boyfriend then? Which is fine by the way."**

Oh look, he's made a deduction. How sweet.**  
**

"**I know it's fine."**

Does he think _I'm_ homophobic? _Me_? Surely he can't be that lacking in perception.

I know it's fine; why would it not be fine? And yet, for some reason it's never been fine. From the dawns of time, it's never been _fine_.

Well, he seems tolerant anyway. Or at least he wants to be tolerant. That, I suppose, will have to do for now.

Is that it? Can I finally get back to the matter in hand? 22 Northumberland Street.

"**So you've got a boyfriend?"**

Oh just stop talking. If I ask him to directly, would that be rude?

"**No."**

Right. What was that? Did that girl slow down? A girl? A _girl_. No. She didn't and it's not a girl. And she won't be on foot. He won't be on foot. I should have left John at home. He's hopelessly distracting.

"**Right. OK. You're unattached. Just like me. Right. Good."**

Good. End of conversation. Finally. 22 Northumberland Street.

Wait. What was that? Was this one of _those_ conversations? How does one tell?

For heaven's sake, if it isn't' enough that I have to head Molly off at every point, now John too? Oh how infuriating to be this attractive. Can't I just make up for it by being horrible? That's put people off for most of my life. But John's different, isn't he? He doesn't seem to have a requirement for 'nice'. He's not put off by the skull, by the insults, by the demands.

Why is that? He doesn't seem to have low self esteem. He has friends, even if he's too proud to talk to them. He's been hurt, that's clear, but I can't see why that would lead him towards wanting me. Could it just be that he's here now because he's attracted to me?

No. He protested too much about the date. He didn't give a coy smile and let Angelo think what he wants to think. And he's clearly staring at Karen in her ridiculously short skirt.

So no. That's good. I don't want to have to reject him.

But... he said 'good'. He's pleased I'm not attached. So what does that mean? Could it be that he's interested. He's still here, isn't he. He came here with me. He followed me happily enough. Maybe he's not looking at Karen. Maybe he doesn't know for himself. Hell, if it's this confusing to me, how on Earth is he expected to deal with these feelings with his lesser brain?

Right. Let's get this done. Just in case.

"**John, I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work, and while I'm flattered by your interest, I'm really not looking for..."**

"**No, no, I'm not asking..."**

What? Wasn't he? Is he sure? I'm not sure he is sure. He seems sincere though, he's clearly not lying. Is he rejecting me? That doesn't feel right. That feels... wrong.

"**No. I'm just saying; it's all fine."**

Is it? It isn't. It's never been 'all fine'. It wasn't for Father, it's not for Mycroft, it wasn't at school, it wasn't at university. It isn't even at the Yard with all the help I give them for free. They still say 'freak' and 'psychopath'.

They still take anyone I turn up with and try to put them off. They still sneer at me. They still want to drive people away. It's _never_ all fine.

Never.

But he seems sincere. Look at him looking at me like that. He really wants me to feel... fine. He seems... fine.

And they haven't driven him away. None of them got to him. He's still here. With me.

Is it really possible that someone can be this un-judgemental? About _everything_?

If it was possible, I wonder if that person would seem very much like John. Maybe that's why he's interesting.

I should probably say something.

"**Good. Thank you."**

22 Northumberland Street. What's that? Is that a cab? A cab!


End file.
